Sharpen the Axe

Leadership lessons from a lumberjack

 

Big Jake & Young Fred

            Big Jake’s Tree Clearing was short of lumberjacks, and so when Big Jake found young Fred he was ecstatic. Young Fred had just graduated near the top of his class from a school specializing in turning out some of the finest lumberjacks in the country. “When can you start?” Big Jake asked, fully expecting to wait at least a week before Young Fred could begin working for the company. “Is tomorrow soon enough?” Young Fred asked with enthusiasm. Big Jake was amazed, clearly Young Fred would be a boost to productivity. “Tomorrow would be great.” He said, still a little dumbfounded. The next day Young Fred began felling trees for Big Jake, at the end of the day he checked in at the office and Big Jake asked him how the day went. “Well,” said Young Fred, “I think it went okay, I felled twenty-five trees.” “Twenty-five trees? That’s incredible!” Big Jake was completely blown away, twenty-five trees in one day was unheard of! “I just wanted to get the work done well for you.” Young Fred said as he clocked out and left.

A few days later Big Jake looked out the office window to see a tired looking Young Fred hacking away at a tree while the rest of his men stood drinking their coffee and grinding iron, but he thought nothing of it. When Young Fred came in that night, and Big Jake asked him how the day went. “I only felled fifteen trees today.” Young Fred looked a little exhausted and disturbed as he walked out, Big Jake knew he could do better. Still, felling fifteen trees was well above average, and Big Jake was happy he had hired Young Fred. Two days later Big Jake again noticed Young Fred hacking away at the trees while the other men stood around, “poor kid,” he sighed, “works so much harder than the rest of them.”  That night Young Fred reported only felling three trees. This number discouraged Big Jake, as even his worst man felled five trees in one day. “I don’t understand it,” Young Fred said as he turned to leave, “while the other men are standing around I am working away, but they fell more trees than I do now.” Big Jake slowly replied, “Young Fred, those men usually only stand around long enough to grind their axes. A sharp axe cuts easier and they can fell more trees with less effort that way.” Young Fred’s tired face fell even further, “why Big Jake,” he stammered, “I was so concerned about cutting down trees I hadn’t even thought to sharpen my axe.” 

 

 

 

Signs of a dull axe

 

Signs of wielding a dull axe:

• Withdrawal from once cherished relationships
• Lack of passion in mission and work
• Tasks not being completed in a orderly or timely fashion
• Clearly takes on too much responsibility
• Is overly concerned with the workings of the ministry
• Majority of energy spent ‘rushing’ instead of in ministry
• Uses little energy to delegate tasks/relationships
• Takes little personal time
  • Often this is seen as dedication
  • Usually encouraged by others

• Signs of personal exhaustion
• • Physical symptoms
  • Spiritual and Mental disconnection
  • Relational consequences
• Signs of depression, characterized by
  • Helplessness
  • Hopelessness

 

Consequences of a dull axe mission/job:

• The mission and job-tasks will ‘fall apart’
  • Lose focus
  • Lose purpose
• The receivers will suffer
  • Spiritual and emotional needs will go unmet/will be met in unhealthy manners
  • Discipleship will be hindered
• The missioner/worker will suffer
  • Relationships in his or her mission, work & family
  • Relationship with God
  • Relationship with self
  • Personal growth

 

A wielder of a dull axe may personally experience:

• Frustration with life and relationships
• Ambivalence towards something he or she was once passionate about
• Irrational irritability
• Extreme guilt for minor mishaps
• Feelings of responsibility for things not related to him or her
• Feelings of responsibility for ministry that exceeds normalcy
• Feelings of worthlessness in ministry or relationships
• Feeling overwhelmed/as though he or she is drowning
• Outbursts of anger
• Become Easily Confused
• Have difficulty making personal decisions
• Continued discontentment
• General exhaustion
• Depression
  • Helplessness
  • Hopelessness

Tips for sharpening the axe

 

A dull axe wielder would benefit from:

Taking a time-out

Being protective of his or her own personal time with God, family, and friends

Developing his or her personal relationships

Developing his or her own peer support

Appropriate boundaries (including knowing when you need a break, and taking it)

The ability to say “I can’t, but I know who can” (Eg. You cannot do everything for everyone)

Network of ministers and professionals to help when needed

Appropriate relationship skills

 

Word to the dull axe wielder:

DO NOT allow yourself to continue chopping trees with a dull axe!

• Take time to refuel
• Take some extra time in Study
• Take some extra time in prayer
• Talk with a trusted friend, spiritual advisor, counselor
• Journal, Read, get coffee…
• Be sure you enforce proper boundaries
• Take time for yourself, your relationship with God, and your family
• Keep your priorities your priorities
• Don’t let another’s burden become solely your burden, help with the load, don’t carry it for them.

 

Some principles to keep in mind:

• “Set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12
• “The fruit of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23a
• “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  2 Corinthians 12:9
• “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

 

 

Dull axe resources

(Bibliography)

 

Bateman, Herbert W. IV, Authentic Worship: Hearing Scriptures voice, Applying its truths, Kregel Publications, Grand Rapids, MI, 2002

 

Barna, George, Leaders on Leadership, Regal Books, Ventura, CA, 1996

 

Boa, Kenneth, Conformed to His Image, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI, 2001

 

Brown, Daniel A., The Other Side of Pastoral Ministry, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, MI, 1996

 

Carson, D.A., A Call to Spiritual Reformation, Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI, 1992

 

Cedar, Paul, Hughes, Kent, Patterson, Ben, Mastering the Pastoral Role, Multnomah Press, Portland, OR, 1991

 

Clinton, Robert J., The Making of a Leader, NavPress, Colorado Springs, CO, 1988

 

Crabb, Lawrence J., Understanding People, Zondervan Press, Grand Rapids, MI, 1987

 

Fawcett, Cheryl, Understanding People, ETA, Wheaton, IL, 2001

 

Gangel, Kenneth O., Wilhoit, James C., Christian Educator’s Handbook on Adult Education, Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI, 1993

 

Gangel, Kenneth O., Wilhoit, James C., Christian Educator’s Handbook on Family Life Education, Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI, 1996

 

Gangel, Kenneth O., Wilhoit, James C., Christian Educator’s Handbook on Spiritual Formation, Victor Books, Wheaton, IL, 1994

 

Garrison, Peter C., Pastoral Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them, CSS Publishing Co, Lima, OH, 1990

 

Hocking, David, The Seven Laws of Christian Leadership, Regal Books, Ventura, CA, 1991

 

Hughes, Kent and Barbara, Liberating Ministry from the Success Syndrome, Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, IL, 1984

 

Koller, Charles Allen, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling, Zondervan Press, Grand Rapids, MI, 1997

 

Kouzes, James M., Posner, Barry Z., Christian Reflections on Leadership the Challenge, Jossey-Bass, San Francisco, CA, 2004

 

Kraybill, Donald B., The Upside-Down Kingdom, Herald Press, Scottsdale, PA, 1978

 

Malphurs, Aubrey, Being Leaders: the Nature of Authentic Christian Leadership, Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI, 2003

 

Newton, Gary C., Growing Towards Spiritual Maturity, ETA, Wheaton, IL, 2003

 

Patterson, Richard, A Guide for all Church Leaders: Effectively Leading, ETA, Wheaton, IL, 1992

 

Wright, H. Norman, Crisis and Trauma Counseling, Regal Books, Ventura, CA, 2003

 

“How old are you?”

“What do you believe about God?”

“Who’d you vote for?”

“What do you think about sex?”

You know all those sayings about the two things you should never ask a woman? Have you ever heard someone warn you about the ‘two things you never discuss at dinner’ with your family? Have you ever heard the whispers and half-truths about ‘that thing people do in bed?’

From age to weight, religion to politics, and relationships to sex. There are so many things we rarely say, so many topics that lay in the dark in silence.  So many things that are waiting to be said.

Why are we scared to talk about who we are? What we want? How we feel? Why are we so timid and tentative in talking about what we believe, and our values?

Why is it so easy to spend our time talking about the weather? Work? Our families and friends? Our tasks and daily life? Why is it so hard to talk about the things below the surface, so hard to talk about what really matters to us? 

Why do we shy away from topics that are so ‘hot button’ or ‘taboo’? What are we really afraid of?

Do we really keep silent about things that really matter to us because we don’t want to offend someone? Because we don’t know how to say it ‘the right way’? Because we don’t know if we’ll be understood? Because somehow we’re dirty or vile if we bring it up? Because we don’t want to have to feel like we need to hear anyone else out? Because we’ll get into an argument, and it might get ugly?

Whether you’re a racial or a gender minority, whether you’re religious, spiritual, or otherwise. Whether you’re a democrat, republican, tea party, independent or some other political branch. Whether you are homosexual, heterosexual, transgender, always stone-cold-sober, drug addict, or alcoholic. Whether you are a virgin, promiscuous, closed off or very open to intimacy of any kind. Intelligent,  emotional, rigid, loose, understanding, or not.  There are a lot of things out there that we don’t want to hear because they make us uncomfortable.  

But for whatever reason, there’s a lot more that we don’t want to say…for the very same reasons.

Maybe we’ll stick out in a crowd. Maybe we’ll be a minority instead of one of the herd. Maybe we’ll be labeled intolerant, or a certain way that we don’t like. Maybe we’ll be placed in a category of people that are looked down on. Maybe we’ll be rejected. Maybe we’ll be scorned. Maybe we’ll be silenced or shunned. Maybe we’ll have to listen to someone else’s’ diatribe or soapbox.

Or maybe we’ll open the doors…and see the throngs of people who are waiting to speak.

I know most of you have heard me say or seen me write this hundreds of times. There is no denying the fact. We, us people, humanity, we were made to be in relationships. The truth is, however, that when we don’t talk about those things. When we don’t hear them from others. We not only hide ourselves, we shut others out.  When we shut others out, true relationship cannot exist.

And we, in our truest and deepest parts of ourselves, were made for so much more then silence.

She stood among the wreckage of what had once been their home. Dirty. Covered in soot and sweat and tears. It felt like years since they had run from their home, run for their lives from the flames.

 It had been days.

 As she sorted through the rubble with her husband, she thought about all the precious memories their family had shared in this place. She thought about the last moments she was in this home, the terror in the children’s eyes, the rush of heat, the sounds of her dreams… burning to the ground. The memories came like flashes of lightening. Over and over.

Like waves from a storm, crashing like shards of glass on the once peaceful shores of her mind.

He laid his hand on her shoulder, strong, firm, and gentle. And they listened. Listened to the silence. This was their life. In ruins.

 *                           *                              *

They say every rose has its thorns.

 Every dog has its day.

 Every cloud has a silver lining.

 Every coin has its flip side.

The storm may be wailing today, but the sun will come out tomorrow.

That’s what they say anyway.

I wonder though, how much of that is just what we say when life becomes too much to bear. Maybe its what we say when we don’t know what else to say. When we stand in the ashes of the disaster of someone’s life. True or not, sometimes I think those things are just words.

Empty.

Meaningless.

Just words.

Job knew this sentiment. His friends spoke for chapters about what he lost. The trauma he experienced. The devastating ruins his life was in when his friends came to comfort him… well meaning perhaps.

Esther knew. Tossed into a life or death situation, no where near prepared. Forced to make a move she wasn’t ready for. Intervening for the sake of an entire race.

David. Bathsheba. Peter. Mary. Paul…. Jesus.

We talk a lot. Maybe we’re uncomfortable with pain, maybe we think that because we hold grace in our hearts we have to have words to speak. Maybe it is because we don’t understand. Or that we have this innate sense that things are not as they are supposed to be.

Sometimes life is a disaster.

Sometimes things hit us that knock us clear off our feet.

Sometimes we stand in the middle of the remains and watch our life, in tiny glimpses, flash before our eyes.

Sometimes…. Sometimes there is nothing to say.

Sometimes we just need a hand on our shoulder. And silence.

As we wait for the dust to settle.

Fire raced across the fields towards the house, the raging wind carrying the flames to the steps. The smoke ran ahead, covering the view of the devastation the fire was leaving behind, and it was all the little family could do to keep the tears at bay. Their son, barely old enough to walk by himself, screamed at the sight of the orange, blue, and red tongues tearing at the doorway. The mother panicky, stuffing some of her cherished belongings into a bag as fast as she possibly could. The father, tense and terrified, held the back door open, scrambling to get the children out of the house.

Billows of smoke began to pour in as the flames began eating away at the front porch. The father grabbed his son, and his wife’s hand, rushing them out the back door just as the glass windows burst from the heat. The family sped away to safety, barely escaping with their lives and very little else.

When the mother and father returned to the home to survey what was left of their dreams. Tears fell freely as the couple stared at the smoldering ruins. There was nothing left. Their home they had built with their own hands had been destroyed in a matter of hours. With the burden of their son battling cancer, their parents dying the week before, the loss of the father’s job and the mother’s newly discovered pregnancy, tears were less then adequate to express the sense of despair that washed over them.

‘How will we ever start again?’

 

 

*             *          *              *

Some of you may not know this, but I don’t do New Years resolutions. They depress me and I almost never reach the goals I set anyway. Instead, I choose a phrase that I keep on my phone banner to motivate me. As I was praying about what I should set as my phrase for this year, I had to muse over the last twelve months…

 2010 was the kind of year that does not need to be repeated. From beginning to end, the year literally sucked the life right out of me. One thing after another after another after another poured down, and honestly sometimes it really does amaze me that I didn’t snap with everything that happened. Though a lot of things were resolved or have changed, many of the scars left behind will take years to heal from.

While I was pondering this, I looked at the banner on my phone to see the phrase I had chosen for last year: “Love like this is it” (You can see more about last year’s catch-phrase by viewing the note ‘Lineage and Legacy,’ posted 2/2/10). I closed my eyes, and thought about all I loved and lost in the last year. Dreams. Love. Relationships. Stability. Time. Safety. To be honest, I felt like I was staring at my entire life in ashes.

Psalm 113:5-8  “Who is like the LORD our God, the One who sits enthroned on high, who stoops down to look on the heavens and the earth? He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes, with the princes of his people.” 

Sorting through what is left, I am convicted to pause for a minute to acknowledge the ‘diamonds’ that have come about because of the intense heat and pressure from the last year. Though I am still exhausted, still trying to make sense of everything, still trying to figure out where to go from here. I am still incredibly blessed.

 In the midst of all the rubble:

I have become part of a team of people that are talented, intelligent, compassionate, and fun.

I have a job that I love, and in spite of all the madness it suits me.

I have formed friendships with people I have known of for years but never knew.

I have seen some of the most powerful glimpses of what God’s grace really looks like.

I have been a recipient of that powerful grace.

I have been able to see people grow, change, and really start to live.

I have been able to be a part of making movement possible.

And though I have lost, I have also loved more deeply and fully then most will ever know.

To those of you who have stood by me while everything fell apart, I am extremely grateful.

Many of us have stood in a place in our lives where we are faced with the same overwhelming question. After everything has fallen apart, after everything we loved and lived for has been taken from us or gone away, how do we start over? How do I start over? How does anyone start over? Get up. Dust off. Make the best of what is, be grateful for the blessings in our hands. And find the diamonds….even though they may come from the ashes of our own lives.

The flames of hell have licked my heels

Consuming breath and dreams

The rain will wash away the soot and pain

Burns and scars will heal with time

The sun will shine on what is left behind

And from the ashes I will rise

If you know me very well at all, you will know that I have seen more then my ‘fair share’ of trials and obstacles to life. And if you are close to me, you know how dark and deep some of those valleys have gone. Including the one I am facing now. I stand on the edge of a moment, waiting and watching. Having lost more then I ever knew I had to lose, and staring into the eyes of a possibility I never wanted to face again. Like most people who have stood in my shoes, I find myself wondering: what is God doing??

When I look at the stories of Job and Horatio, many people I am blessed to call friends, and even my own, I see that we have all faced tremendous pain. And in the middle of everything that has been happening in my world these last few months, I learned something from the story of Job that has made me re-think some of those questions I’ve been ‘asking’ in the previous notes.

The purpose of life is God.

God created us for the purpose of being in relationship with Him. When faced with difficulty in life, we tend to blame the one who is the most capable of preventing or fixing the problems. So we blame God. Because God is all-powerful, and all-knowing, and all those things they teach you in Sunday School. And suddenly we have turned the relationship into something it wasn’t meant to be. This life wasn’t given to me to care for as my own. I am responsible for it, and I will be called to account for how I have used the life I have been blessed to hold. I have many purposes, many roles. But there is no greater purpose for my life then honor the life I have been given by honoring the Giver. With all that I am. God does not ’just’ allow things to happen.

In the story of Job, we see a very clear depiction of God placing boundaries on what the possibilities were when it came to Satan’s testing of Job. In other places throughout scripture, we see very clearly the boundaries God placed for others. In terms of humanity God gives choices, lays out consequences, and allows us to move how we will within the boundaries He places. God did the same thing when it came to allowing Satan to test Job. God placed boundaries on the things that Satan could and could not do to Job. At no time was Satan allowed to move outside those lines. God can handle our questions, and God responds.

After everything Job went through, he cried out to God, from the very depths of his being Job wanted to know what God was doing. Job threw all the questions at God, Job did not hold back. Job was honest and pleaded for God to do something to let him know that he was not alone in all of this. And when the time was right, not a moment too soon or too late, God responded. God didn’t tell Job to go away, God didn’t tell Job he was a terrible person and had better get back in line, God didn’t tell Job he had lost his place in heaven because of the questions either. God showed up in a very powerful way, and said exactly what Job needed to hear. God knows exactly what we are made of.

There is one thing you and I need to keep in our minds when we are walking in those dark places: God knows us. If you look in the first few sentences of the book of Job, you will see that God pointed Job out to Satan as someone who was upright, righteous, and honored Him. God selected Job. As you read through the story, you will see that God chose Job for those tests for a reason. God knew exactly what Job was made of, God knew exactly what Job could handle, and God knew that Job would prove Him faithful. God has never failed.

Not once. God has been around awhile… and in my own life all the things that have happened in my life, because of my choices or someone else’s, have never happened because of God’s failure. God wants what is best for me, and for you, and God will always make a way for us to become who He intended us to be. God will not allow us to encounter something without a reason or boundaries. God knows exactly who we are and what we are capable of handling. God will not abandon us when we are honest with Him. Things happen that shouldn’t.

People live through and die in ways I could never imagine. The truth is that the world is broken, and God is not. Moreover, there are simply times when I do not understand what God is doing. Have you ever come to something in life that made you think “that’s unbelievable” from the very depths of yourself? That overwhelming, sometimes sinking, feeling that whatever it is happens to be so far beyond anything you expected or imagined that you just cannot wrap your brain around it. Still…It is well.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Life has a lot of ups and downs. If you have a perfect life, just turn on the news. If you watch for very long you will see stories of broken people. Devastating things happen every day, to people who may or may not ‘deserve’ it. No matter what you believe about God, at some point most of us encounter a situation that torments us so much that from the depths of who we are we just have to ask…

“Where are You?”

“How could You let this happen?”

“Why didn’t You stop this?”

“What is the purpose You have in this?”

Sometimes we take those questions and offer a word of ‘encouragement,’ as some kind of superficial salve to our soul-deep wounds. “God has a purpose in all of this,” “God is always there,” “God hurts too…” All fall short of what our spirits are longing to hear. Sometimes God’s plans and ways are so beyond our own that we feel lost or even devastated by the various things that happen in life. And sometimes the questions we ask are the wrong ones, so we draw conclusions that skew our understanding of God, and cause further pain.

When we encounter someone walking through a painful place, most of us fight the urge to offer ‘you’ll make its’, ’it’ll get better’s’ and ‘God will be there with you’s.’ We want to wrap up life in a pretty package and tie it with a colorful bow. We want to understand, and control, and bend things to our will. Especially when it is our own dark place to journey through…

It can make you angry.

How dare God let this happen to me?

It is painful.

Why does this hurt so badly?

It can make you feel unglued.

What is real, what is true, who can I believe?

 It breaks your heart.

How much more can I bear, how am I supposed to keep breathing?

It can be confusing.

What is the purpose of life anyway?

It makes you uncomfortable.

Am I supposed to question God, won’t He get angry and kick me off the island?

It can make you feel lost.

Which way is up, where am I supposed to go?

It makes you second-guess.

What did I do wrong, did I miss something, or not do enough?

When we’re honest with ourselves, and others, we know we cant. So we end up back at the beginning. Trying to answer the questions of why, the soul-longing for more then a trite or simple answer. The haunting voice that says ‘shouldn’t God have done something about this?’ or ‘how could God allow such things to happen?’ or even ‘I cant take this anymore.’ Back at the beginning, wondering what is going on, and what God is doing in it all.

 Horatio Spafford was there.

Job was there.

Chances are that you’ve been there.

God knows I’ve been there…

* Pause here, I’ll be back with more in the next post. And I promise, if you’ve ever walked in a dark place, it’ll be worth coming back for.

 

The Old Testament is filled with stories of the beginnings of our faith. For some it may be a little confusing how the commands from the Old Testament to the early Israelites might apply to us. We have septic systems now, we don’t bury our waste outside our cities. We don’t measure our grain and give it to priests to burn, the local fire marshal would probably have a fit over that. Most of us don’t work fields, live in tents, or travel on foot… God knew we would need some concrete examples of how others have followed after God’s heart, even when the law was all they had. Faith has always been faith, God has always been God, and as the times have changed and people have grown, God has remained the same.

Have you ever heard a passage from Scripture so many times that you think you would get tired of it or not be able to find something new in it? There are so many examples of what God expects and what God has done throughout the Old Testament. But there’s one that sticks out to me at this time in my life that although I’ve heard it about a million times, still stuns me. Honestly the story of Job is excruciating in a lot of ways but eventually the beauty comes through in a spectacular way. For the life of me, no matter how many times I read it, I couldn’t understand why God allowed all these crazy things to happen to this one person’s life… I’ve heard people say every time someone is going through at terrible time in their lives “you know, Job went through an awful lot too…God was faithful then, God will be faithful now.” And while all of this is true, I cant help but wonder exactly why God allowed Job to go through everything he went through. Job lost everything. His children were killed, his lost his wealth, his health failed him, his friends berated him, his wife told him he should curse God and die.

In short, Job was hard-up on his luck.

Most of the time we hear ‘Job examples” from people trying to help us persevere in times of trial. And while Job’s story is definitely filled with painful hope, there is so much more to it then that. Life can be extremely difficult. It can be very hard to see God’s hands as merciful, gracious, loving, just, in the midst of the deepest times. I have questioned God. I have. I am not going to hide that, and I am not going to apologize for it. I have had my moments where I realized God and I are just not on the same wave length. And I have done my fair share of mourning. But to be honest, over the years I have come to see certain things to be true of God. And like David, whose heart followed close to God‘s, I still have to ask the questions if I am going to be honest…

Why do terrible things happen to people who are doing God-work?

Why does it feel like God is so far away sometimes?

What the heck is God doing with this trial?

Why this way? Why this person? Why not another plan?

*Pause here, I’ll be back with more in the next post.

Before I begin, I want to note that this ‘series’ may test you. I want to give opportunity to ‘talk’ about what I am saying, and for some of you it will be hard to hold on until the final post before commenting that I have lost my faith or something like that. Rest assured, I know Whom I have believed, and that has not changed. Please be patient as this journey unfolds, be honest with yourself and graceful towards me as we walk….

*           *           *

Trials, times of testing, obstacles, challenges, rough patches, valleys, sorrow, dark days. We have all seen them to varying degrees. And we have all responded to them in one way or another, wondering why we were in those places, or where God is at, or what we did wrong, or what God was trying to teach us in the midst of them. We’ve all seen people who took their darkness and used it as a reason to bury themselves in more painful places. But our world is also filled with people whose stories of perseverance through hardship has brought nations to their knees.

Examples of people walking through the rocky places on their journeys and bringing glory to God through them are strewn throughout the course of history. Nations were formed by people who took life and all its challenges by the horns, and walked forward regardless of what has come. There is something so powerful and tender about the stories of perseverance: beauty rising up from the ashes.

There is a timeless hymn penned by Horatio Spafford, which has been a life-long favorite of mine and has touched the hearts of millions. “It is well with my soul” has been the only words I could speak in some of the darkest times of my life. Powerful words written by a broken man. In the midst of some of the most excruciating pain many of us can think of, this man stood and poured out his heart to God. Horatio’s story is really not unlike many stories…

Accounts tell that Horatio had five children, a son and four daughters. He lost his son to a terrible fever in 1871, and then lost all his possessions in the Chicago Fires the same year. The fires destroyed all of his land and his business (he was a wealthy man). His wife and daughters barely escaped with their lives. A few years later, Horatio sent his wife and daughters ahead of him to England on a ship which subsequently sank. His daughters drowned in the wreckage, his wife survived. On his way to England to meet his wife, Horatio stood on the deck of the ship as it passed over the place where his daughters had lost their lives and cried out to God. “When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul.”

Horatio and his wife had three more children and started a mission in Jerusalem in their later years, touching the lives of hundreds of people. Horatio and his wife were instrumental in bringing Jews, Muslims, and other faiths together and speaking God into their lives. They also were highly involved in providing aid to the surrounding areas during and after the devastation of WWI. Horatio and his wife encountered many more trials, such as the loss of another son, though they continued to prove God faithful through them all.

To me, this life-story speaks to the character of Horatio Spafford, and more then this it speaks to the character of God. I feel it is safe to say, evidenced through his entire life that Horatio knew certain things to be true of God. In his honesty and pain, Horatio looked into his darkest moments and said what most of us do not have the courage to say: “It is well with my soul.”

Every time I hear this story, and read the words of the stunning hymn, I am left with a resounding peace. I am also left with an overwhelming question. The question of why.

Why would God allow these tragedies in this mans life?

*Just pause here, I’ll be back with more in the next post.

Recently I attended the wedding of a dear friend of mine, someone I consider to be a part of my family. We celebrated the love he has found with his wife, and we showed them our love for them. After the celebrating was over I visited the graveside of a friend who passed away recently. As I drove back home, I was struck by a tugging in my heart. Something is wrong with this place called earth.

Every now and then, I get mixed up in the middle of life. I get hurt, I get scared, I get confused and all kinds of crazy-feeling. Tragedy after tragedy, victory after victory, some minute, some monumental. Things pile up, and over time I can become less and less engaged in life. I become less and less like myself, and take fewer and fewer steps forward in who I want to become. Sometimes I feel swallowed alive by it all.

Life happens all around us, and because we live in a world full of flawed people, sometimes life is not as beautiful as we want it to be. While I celebrated with my friends and family the life of one who found love, I also grieved with my friends and family over a life whose love is now lost to us. And I cried out: this life is not what God wanted it to be!

You ever heard of Newton’s laws of motion? Personally, I think that the laws apply to more than just motion. When life is in those cycles, the ‘its just one thing after another’ cycles, we can continue to find those ‘one things’ until something else comes along and helps us recognize other ‘forces’ at work. Honestly, the majority of the time we change direction in life only when an outside force compels us to do so. Anger drowns out what God desires for us. When we hurt, when we’re afraid, it becomes all too easy for us to embrace anger and protect ourselves with it. Some of us are being swallowed by overwhelming things, some of us are encountering life at its most broken parts. Some of us don’t even feel the anger anymore.

Take a step back.

Lifehouse has a song called All I want, it‘s a really beautiful song and I sometimes listen to it while I‘m talking with God. There‘s a line in the song that goes “But how can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you?” The song isn’t really talking about this, but while I was thinking about love and anger and how these things go together, I couldn’t help wondering… How can I honestly look at people around me, and not be moved by the fingerprints God left on them?

At the core of every relationship is a human being. When it comes to relationships with other human beings, there are going to be times of pain, there are going to be times of fearfulness and brokenness. Sometimes God allows the ‘outside forces’ of life to move us towards those Hands that wait, desperately longing to hold us close. We are flawed and we are messy. But we are also redeemable, and in this God’s hands are most evident.

It is okay to hurt, to be angry, to be afraid. Life, in all of its giving and taking, is meant to be more than it is… We lose when we cling to anything but Love. For the sake of those who have gone on before us. For those we have loved and are now strangers to us. For those we love now. And for God and our own selves.

Love.

Psalm 4:4, Ephesians 4:25-5:2, James 1:19-27, Psalm 86:15, Psalm 145:8, Jonah 4:2, Joel 2:13, 2 Peter 3:9, 1 Corinthians 13:1-13, 1 John 4:7-21, Matthew 22:34-40

I had a friend tell me the other day that being angry was easier than dealing with the pain. It has taken me a really long time to realize that I am generally not angry, instead I am hurt, and terrified. Years and years and years I spent being angry. Locking myself away. It’s so much easier to be angry than to be what I really am. Angry has no weaknesses. Angry is not scared. Angry isn’t risky. Angry doesn’t feel pain. Angry is safe.

But angry is also alone.

These past few months I’ve been walking in a very painful place. To be honest it could be difficult to not to bury myself in anger. The questions of why come like a flood, the ‘how could you’ questions like jagged rocks stabbing in the back of my mind. But over the chaos of all the unanswered, and unanswerable, questions rises a single factor. Love. In some ways, love and anger are both choices. Whichever you choose to feed is the one that will survive. To choose to hold on to the hurt would lead me to a bitter place, and love dies in bitterness.

Love, by its nature, is void of anger. Love is void not of feeling, love is scary, it hurts and creates craziness. Yet, in the eyes of love, anger cannot last. Anger does not stand a chance in the face of deep and true love. No matter what the offense, no matter the fear.

For me, the shadows of night often bring unbearable pain. To the extent that, at times I am unable to breathe. Yet a single glance at the stars shows intensely the love that God has given, the love that God has grown inside me. Not only for myself, but also for another. To become angry, and hold on to the anger, would be to deny that love. Something I’m not willing to do. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how many tears are shed in the dark. No matter how scared I am that things may not work out, that my heart will remain vulnerable and broken.

I cannot truly love someone, and stay angry. I can be angry, I can be hurt, I can be afraid. But in the light of love, the darkness of anger dwindles.

Giving in to anger, will eventually make me a bitter person. It will build walls and keep people far away from me, keep me from deep and meaningful relationships. It will keep me from giving and accepting love from others, including God. God did not intend for that…even though sometimes it feels easier to stay in anger than to live in love. I’ve been in that place before, it is lonely and meaningless. And I don’t want to be there again. I choose love, even though it hurts.